Thoughts on the Missing Adolescent Egyptian Cobra

So, we’ve all heard about the Egyptian Cobra that’s gone missing at the Bronx Zoo. It’s deadly, and it’s in hiding. (I told my husband with our recent luck, they should drop me off in the middle of the zoo – that snake would be out to bite my bum in about two seconds.)

Here’s my favorite part of the story: the media keeps pointing out the snake is an adolescent.  As if “killer snake” isn’t scary enough on its own, they keeping throwing in the additional threat of “adolescent.”

I am far more afraid of adolescents than snakes. In fact, I’d like to belatedly apologize to my mother for my entire adolescence. Let’s do a quick comparison of the Egyptian Cobra and a typical adolescent:

Adolescent Egyptian Cobras	Adolescent Humans
Venomous	Also Venomous
Can spit its venom and cause blindness Is hooded Nocturnal	Can spew verbal venom harsh enough to burn ears and flesh Wears hooded clothing Also Nocturnal
Preys on small animals and lizards Attempts to escape when approached, but if threatened will assume upright posture with hood expanded Has Twitter Account (@BronxZoosCobra). Recent tweet: “Thinking about seeing ‘How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.’ That Daniel Radcliffe really speaks to me.”	Preys on parents and siblings Attempts to escape when approached, but if threatened, will roll eyes, scream, and occasionally froth at mouth Has Facebook Account

The Cobra has also launched an effective marketing campaign – this article is worth the read for a few ideas for your marketing strategy.

If you have further comparisons between cobras and adolescents, please leave them in the comments section. I think our only hope to save the Bronx Zoo is to treat the snake like an unruly teen, and only people who have navigated those years as parents can provide adequate advice.

Thank you, in advance, for helping capture the cobra.