Thoughts on the Missing Adolescent Egyptian Cobra

So, we’ve all heard about the Egyptian Cobra that’s gone missing at the Bronx Zoo. It’s deadly, and it’s in hiding. (I told my husband with our recent luck, they should drop me off in the middle of the zoo – that snake would be out to bite my bum in about two seconds.)

Here’s my favorite part of the story: the media keeps pointing out the snake is an adolescent.  As if “killer snake” isn’t scary enough on its own, they keeping throwing in the additional threat of “adolescent.”

I am far more afraid of adolescents than snakes. In fact, I’d like to belatedly apologize to my mother for my entire adolescence. Let’s do a quick comparison of the Egyptian Cobra and a typical adolescent:

Adolescent Egyptian Cobras
Adolescent Humans


Also Venomous

Can spit its venom and cause blindness

Is hooded

Can spew verbal venom harsh enough to burn ears and flesh

Wears hooded clothing

Also Nocturnal

Preys on small animals and lizards

Attempts to escape when approached, but if threatened will assume upright posture with hood expanded

Has Twitter Account (@BronxZoosCobra). Recent tweet: “Thinking about seeing ‘How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.’ That Daniel Radcliffe really speaks to me.”

Preys on parents and siblings

Attempts to escape when approached, but if threatened, will roll eyes, scream, and occasionally froth at mouth

Has Facebook Account

The Cobra has also launched an effective marketing campaign – this article is worth the read for a few ideas for your marketing strategy.

If you have further comparisons between cobras and adolescents, please leave them in the comments section. I think our only hope to save the Bronx Zoo is to treat the snake like an unruly teen, and only people who have navigated those years as parents can provide adequate advice.

Thank you, in advance, for helping capture the cobra.


Amy Blair said...

Not that I was one, but I sure knew some cold blooded, slinking, sharp-tongued teenage girls in my day who would attack one's weakest point at the first smell of fear! Is the Cobra, by chance, a female?

Amy Mac said...

Now that is a fantastic question. I knew some girls like that back in the day, too. Heck, I know a couple of full-grown ones now :-)

My grandmother used to say mean people were "meaner than a two-headed striped snake." I always loved that saying, and still use it to this day!