A Time Machine for Turning Big Kids Into Sweet-Scented Babies

My latest column for Northside Woman Magazine...

I am not a morning person. I wish I were. I envy those who awaken before sunrise, chipper as Doris Day, never considering a return to the cozy comfort of bed.
Alarm clocks give me vertigo. I hit snooze and fall back to sleep most mornings. If an IQ test were administered before a strong cup of coffee, I’d register a 50-point deficit. And I’d complain to the test administrator about the lack of coffee.

But I have a couple of reasons for crawling out of bed before dawn. The first is crowd control. By this, I mean getting my kids out the door dressed appropriately and with something more nutritious than Junior Mints for breakfast.
Just last week one emerged dressed in head-to-toe spandex.
“But I have GYM today. And this is what people wear to GYM,” she said when I told her to change. The look on my husband’s face said he was willing to acquiesce to such authoritative speak on gym clothes.
“I don’t care if you are participating in the javelin competition at the Olympics,” I said. “You’ll thank me when this doesn’t show up on a ‘Memories’ reel at your graduation.”

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