"I think we need to boil my brain," I said.
"I hate it when people cheat at Words With Friends," my husband said.
"This isn't the Air Force Academy, where people endeavor not to lie, cheat, steal and whatnot. It's the real world, where there are cheating apps. I suggest you get one," I said.
"Now, back to boiling my brain. How do we make that happen?"
"I don't think brain boiling when you're still alive is recommended. I also think you should probably stop typing symptoms into Google and reading whatever pops up," he said.
"Indeed. Well, today when I was at the doctor, a sinus rinse was suggested. So I did one, and didn't follow the directions exactly. So I just wanted to check that I didn't just blow out my eardrum, and it seems I have put myself at risk for a brain-eating amoeba. People have died recently from this, and apparently from these sinus rinse things," I said. "It stands to reason a little boiling water should obliterate any amoebas moving toward my brain."
"Ha! I just played a word for 113 points. Take that, CHEATERS!" he said.
"Okay, when I start running a high fever and acting confused and vomiting and my head falls off, please tell the CDC you refused to help me boil my brain," I said.
"Will do," he said.
I'm not kidding, y'all. The other day (for an article I'm writing -- I'm not actually that crazy), I Googled "what brings rapid-onset high fever" and brain-eating amoeba popped up. I don't even think I clicked on it, as meningitis seemed a less dramatic way to go. So, days later, when I searched to make sure I hadn't exploded my ears with the stupid sinus rinse thing, "Two Dead from Brain-Eating Amoebas Caused by Using Neti Pots" slid across my screen, a pop-up version of a cross between Big Brother and a Stephen King plot line.
I don't even want to think about what's going to pop up (ooooh, caught that as soon as I typed it) when I write an upcoming article comparing how Randy Travis and Prince Harry's recent shenanigans were covered differently in the media.
So y'all, if I die from the brain-eating amoeba, when the FBI searches our hard drives to make sure Jake didn't murder me over a Words With Friends game, please tell them the Randy Travis/Prince Harry web histories were FOR RESEARCH.