It's time for a pop quiz. Read the following statements:
- Whoa! That looked like a scene out of a sci-fi movie!
- Drink, drink, drink!
- Don't ask me to explain the science behind it. Scientists can't even explain the science behind it.
- The only way to recover from this situation is a nice, hot shower.
A. Other thoughts Giselle shared with Tom Brady's teammates
B. Slurred sayings overheard at a fraternity house
C. Things I said to my ten-year-old today
D. Options for explaining Madonna's Super Bowl performance to your children
The correct answer: C! Congrats to all you overachievers.
All these things were said today because my daughter has a nasty head cold. So:
- Whoa! That looked like a scene out of a sci-fi movie! As in, so much stuff just flew out of your nose with that sneeze I thought your face had given birth to an alien baby.
- Drink, drink, drink! As in water & juice. Because this medicine I am giving you is going to dry up all the alien babies in your head, and also make your mouth so dry you'll think the dentist has gone crazy with that little spit-sucking tool in your mouth.
- Don't ask me to explain the science behind it. Scientists can't even explain the science behind it. Just eat the chicken noodle soup. I swear it will make you feel better.
- The only way to recover from this situation is a nice, hot shower. See: birth of alien baby. There's only so much a Kleenex can do.
Then I reminded her of the key components of survival in the massive petri dish also known as school: washing hands, keeping hands away from mouth, eating well, getting plenty of rest. She has since referred to this as "The Big Talk." My 12-year-old thought this was a very different kind of Big Talk, and nearly fainted when her little sister asked "did Mom have The Big Talk with you yet?"
Then I explained to them both how alien babies are born. Then Hadley birthed another for good measure.
Please excuse me, I have some things I need to spray paint with Lysol.